a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
