im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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