You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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