I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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