dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
