White coat. Heels.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We need to get me chipped asap
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