your like the ambassador to my penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just pee around me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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