why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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