I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
