Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
