Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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