I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
