he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
