Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
