so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
