i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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