Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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