Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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