Christians are straight up FREAKS
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
