I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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