FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
