The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
