my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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