i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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