Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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