i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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