i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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