It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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