I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
