I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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