i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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