Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
