fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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