my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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