I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
