and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
