somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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