uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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