summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
