sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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