Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
