Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
