Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk is not a location!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
