sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
