i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
