I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize