Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
