I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
