Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
