and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
