Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
