Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So. Much. Porn.
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