everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
