those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
