she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
