There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
