I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
