i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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