I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
operation have a gay friend backfired
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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