Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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