on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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