WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
