you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
