the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am available for nakedness
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
