Dual....:-)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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