I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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