he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need to align my fucking chakras
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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