hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just pee around me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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