you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
