____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
