K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
operation harelip BJ is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
