I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
