I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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